Naya Saal

ग्यारह हो गया नौ दो ग्यारह ,
आया 'नया' साल सन बारह ,
दुःख - कष्टों से छुटकारा दे ,
अपने सबके  हों  पौ बारह .

नया साल मुबारक .
वी. सी. राय 'नया'




 

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एक  (मा. उमा भारती जी , मा. मुलायम सिंह यादव जी व् कोँग्रेस पार्टी से क्षमा याचना सहित )

देश के दो बड़े विपक्षी नेताओं - उमा भारती व मुलायम सिंह यादव ने बड़े - बड़े भाषणों में कहा कि देश में अगर वाल मार्ट  आएगा तो अपने हाथ से आग लगाएंगें .

हमारे  शहर के एक  काँग्रेस समर्थक सेठ अगरवाल साहेब ने अगले दिन अपने डिपार्टमेंटल स्टोर का  नया नामकरण करके बोर्ड लगवा दिया "अगर वाल मार्ट ".

वाल मार्ट खुलने कि ख़बर उमा भारती व मुलायम सिंह यादव तक पहुँची तो दोनों माचिस लेकर दौड़े और अगरवाल मार्ट के सामने पहुँच कर ठिठके, फिर एक दूसरे से कहने लगे "पहले आप  -  पहले आप ".

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दो

अभय व अजय सैलून में बाल कटाने गए थे . बाद में अजय ने अभय से पूछा "तुम बाल कटाते समय आँखें क्यों बंद किये रहे ?   

अभय : बालों में कंघा व कैंची फिरने का पूरा मज़ा लेने के लिए .
अजय : अरे तुम्हें डर नहीं लगा ?
अभय : डर किस बात का ? पैसे पूरे ले रहा  है तो बाल ठीक काटेगा ही .
अजय : हाँ भाई तुम तो अभय हो , तुम क्यों डरो ? अरे उसके हाथ में कैंची थी कहीं आँख में भोंक देता तो ? या उस्तरे से गरदन रेत देता तो ?

अभय : अरे उसे पता है कि हमारी पाकेट में मार कर छीनने लायक पैसे नहीं हैं . अगर होते तो उसके मामूली सैलून में आते ? किसी फाइव स्टार  होटल के पार्लर में न जाते ?

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Interesting News - Interesting comments

Nov. 12, 2011
"Taj Mahal will turn blue on Sunday night (13th) along with several monuments - Ag ra Fort, Fatehpur Sikri, Lucknow Imambara, Citi Palace Udaipur, Sidhdhivinayak Temple & CST in Mumbai etc."

Q : Places in UP are understandable being under BSP rule. But how come Rajasthan, Maharashtra etc. ?

A : It is to commemorate the World Diabetes Day on 14th Nov.

Q : Oh ! Blue is for Diabetes ?

A : Yea. Don't you know? Every thing blue is so SWEET, be it blue sky, Jodhpur city or party flags.

 
      
Nov. 25,2011 
"I would personally set afire the Wall Mart show room when it opens any where in the country." 
       - Uma Bharti 

Wall Mart knows it but also knows that you will not set your own sister afire. That is why it has joined hands with a BHARTI to have "EASY DAYs" as "Bharti Wall Mart", having stores in several cities in the country, including Lucknow.

TRUTH IS OUT

Oct. 19, 2011, TV news in the day :
Gen. Kayani of Pakistan has cautioned - US must not think to treat Pak like Iraq or Afghanistan. We have Nuclear Power.

Evening news :
Pak - US crisis. Hillary Clinton rushing to Pakistan to sort out the problems.

The next day I had an opportunity to watch two kids playing Kayani - Hillary. I am sure their dialogues will amuse you.

Kayani - Don't dare to underestimate us. We have nuclear power.

Hillary - We have more nuclear power than any country in the world.

Kayani - We have ISI.

Hillary - So what ? We have FBI and CIA besides a part of ISI.

Kayani - We have LET and Taliban.

Hillary - We have Put a Ban.

Kayani - We have Al Qaida.

Hillary had a setback, but quickly shot back :
Hillary - We had raised it and have razed its chief.

Kayani - Ha Ha ! You raised Al Qaida and are blaming us. You raised Taliban and blame us. You --- you--- you---.

Hillary - What you - you - you ? Isn't it true ?

So the truth is no more a secret.  It is out. I asked the kids from where do the get their facts - "are you following the Wikileaks? Instead of  a reply they started singing a parody of a very popular ghazal :

"Bachchaa bachchaa, Burha burha, haal to saara jane hai,
 Wiki leak karegaa kyaa jab, sab jag saara jane hai."  

CHILLAR

धर्म ग्रन्थ कहते हैं

" बोझ से दबे हुए, थके-मांदे लोगों! मेरे पास आओ. मैं तुम्हें विश्राम दूंगा."

मेरा आह्वान -

" विश्राम करते लोगों तथा ज़िन्दगी की कठिनाइयों से जूझते हुए लोगों - सभी मेरे साथ गाओ" -

" ज़िन्दगी कितनी खुबसूरत है. बस इसी सोच की ज़रूरत है."

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16 फरवरी 2011
टी.वी. के समाचार चैनेल पर - विपक्ष द्वारा इस्तीफे की मांग पर प्रधानमंत्री मनमोहन सिंह "मैं इस्तीफ़ा नहीं दूंगा. मैं कभी हार नहीं मानूंगा."

तभी किसी ने रिमोट से चैनेल बदल दिया तो लता मंगेशकर की सुरीली आवाज़ में  गाना सुनाई  दिया 

" हार के हार नहीं माने , मनमोहना बड़े झूठे ."

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Question : What do you advise for Diabetics' craving for sweets ?

Answer :   There is no dearth of sweets for them either.

Sweet memories,
Sweet home,
Sweet heart,
Sweet kisses,
Sweet nothings ......

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊


Ad. in TOI, New Delhi, 16-02-2011 (Ascent)

"Wanted
Tall, slim and goodnatured girl for smart young "  Guess the next word. No. Its not boy or executive or such. Next word was - Airline.  It was a placement ad for Indigo Airlines.

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Full page ad in a leading news paper

" LISTERINE MOUTHWASH - It's Dynamite for Germs"

Question : Do we dynamite our mouth to get rid of germs ?

Answer :   No. You don't need dynamite. You need a Germicide. The best one is Listerine.

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Ghazal Bol Utthegi

रंग भर दोगे तो तस्वीर बोल उठ्ठेगी .

ख्वाब रंग जाएँ तो तक़दीर बोल उठ्ठेगी . 

ख़त मेरा फाड़ के फेंके या जला दे इसको ,

उसके तो ज़ेहन में तहरीर बोल उठ्ठेगी .

अब जो बेदाद बढ़ेगी तो समझ लो इकदिन,

पीर बन जाएगी शमशीर बोल उठ्ठेगी .  

अम्न भी चाहिए दहशत पे सियासत ही नहीं,

जग की हर वादिए कश्मीर बोल उठ्ठेगी .

ख्वाब जो देखो 'नया' रक्खो अगर उनपे यकीं,

ज़िन्दगी ख़ुद ही है ताबीर बोल उठ्ठेगी .

ज़ुल्म पर ज़ुल्म वो सौ बार किये जाते हैं।
हम तो बस प्यार फ़क़त प्यार किये जाते हैं।

अब जो ज़ुल्मात बढ़ेंगे तो समझ लो इकदिन,

पीर बन जाएगी शमशीर बोल उठ्ठेगी।   

Royalty

ROYAL T

As I sat down to give finishing touches to the draft (incidentally, the first one, though every draft is the final one until superseded) of my new book, I realized that the Tee Shirt I was wearing had the caption ROYAL across the chest. A Royal Tee, sounding the same as Royalty. Ah! Royalty, how have I been missing you? Believe me or not. I am an author. A genuine one at that and an original one. Not a copy cat, nor a translator or plagiarizer. Have been publishing also since last millennium. But the publishers have always denied paying any royalty to  me. On the contrary, would you believe, I had to bear the entire cost of composing, art-work, printing, binding and what not, from my own pocket, already full of big holes for roof over the head, food, health care, children’s education etc. etc. etc. ?

One of my publishers had the guts to tell me that the Royalty has been constitutionally abolished way back in 1950, in fact earlier, by none other than our Lauh Purush  Sardar Patel, and I had to agree. But that was the Royalty of a different kind. I never use WE or MAABADAULAT for personal reference. I don’t want any part of such Royalty. It reminds me of the “God Save The Queen” days which we could leave behind at a huge cost, including loosing brothers and reducing the country size. What I want is a small piece of cake that you would get by selling the immortal work of a possible Nobel Laureate. ‘But the writings (or junk?) created by new writers don’t sell’. Unfortunately for me, I will always be new as my pen-name itself is Naya, meaning new and has been so for over three decades.

One fine morning my morning tea was served in a tray having a caption “Royal Tea”. Ah! At last I got my Royal Tea. The Royalty cannot be far behind. This filled me with fresh determination to produce a bestseller. Fortunately I found a formula for making a book the Bestseller, in a reputed news paper. “Put a Girl on the Cover and No Cover on the Girl”. Accordingly I have decided to print the text “UNCOVERED GIRL” on the cover of my new book and pray for the Nobel. As they say, ask for a Cannon even if you want a pistol. If you agree, you deserve a Naya Award likely to be instituted from the Nobel proceeds.

V.C. Rai ‘Naya’